Hana Keaka

Hana Keaka (Charade) is the 9th episode of Season 6 in the remake version of Hawaii Five-0.

Synopsis
Five-0 goes back to school when a college professor is killed, and Danny goes undercover as his replacement.

Plot
Did you know that pigs can digest human bone? Fun facts brought to you by  Hawaii Five-0  and this week’s murder victim, whose body was dumped in a pig pen. Don’t you hate when bacon bites back?

The body is half eaten by the time Five-0 arrives, but Max is able to ID their victim: economics Professor Elliott Thomas. He was shot, but they’ll be able to recover the bullet once the pigs expel it. (Hey, they can’t digest everything.)

Steve and Lou find evidence that Thomas was abducted from the faculty parking lot on campus. There, the dean tells them that Thomas had  lots  of enemies at Oahu State. Thomas had terrible reviews online, and someone even threw a brick through his window. All of his students hated him, and therefore, they’re all suspects.

Luckily, there was a print on the brick. They just have to find the student it belongs to. Steve points out that Danny was a business minor in college, and he has the perfect disposition for a grumpy professor. Danny is going undercover.

And so is Eric! Danny can gather prints, but they need someone who can get in with the students and gather intel, and E-Train is the perfect choice.

So the Williamses head to college—Danny posing as Thomas’s replacement, Professor Jeffries, and Eric as one of his students. I already love this storyline for several reasons: more Eric, Danny in glasses, and THE RETURN OF THE TIE! (Insert praise hands emoji here.)

The class is thrilled that Thomas is gone, but less thrilled when Danny gives them a pop quiz. (Hey, he’s gotta collect prints somehow.) And Eric ingrains himself into campus life quickly, snagging an invite to tonight’s kegger, which is his number-one priority (for the case).

Five-0 has their first suspect when Brandon, the star basketball player, rushes out of the assembly about Thomas’s death. Brandon was failing Thomas’s class, and his print matches the brick. Steve and Lou track him down, but he claims his coach did it.

But Coach says there was no need. When he found out Brandon was ineligible to play, Coach went to the board of trustees to get Thomas fired (because a winning basketball team is more important than academics). It’s Thomas’s last semester, and Coach and Brandon have alibis. Back to square one.

But that’s okay, because Eric and Danny are just killing it on campus. Danny is the temptation of coed girls everywhere (obviously) and also kind of randomly great at teaching college economics. And Eric is living the dream: going to college without classes and crushing on hot Tiffany. Things are good.

Things were also good for Thomas (at least until he was murdered). He had recently purchased a nail salon that was making serious bank. But seeing as the salon was always empty, Five-0 knows it was a front for something.

One of Thomas’s students, Alfie Tucker (Samuel Larsen,  Glee,  who is unrecognizable without his dreads) is listed as an employee for the salon. Eric has all the hot goss on campus, and tells Uncle D that Alfie is the campus pot dealer. He must have been working with Thomas.

Steve and Lou search Alfie’s dorm and find TONS of pot and grow lamps hidden in the ceiling. They weren’t just selling drugs; they were growing them, too. Looks like they know what that salon is a front for.

Steve and Lou catch Alfie just as he’s about to burn the plants. In interrogation, Alfie says he wasn’t interested in the money; he was just dealing to his friends until Thomas caught him and decided to become his partner. He taught Alfie to expand his business, and that didn’t go over well with the competition.

But Alfie’s story doesn’t add up. The other drug dealers have no idea who he is, and the gun used to kill Thomas was traced back the shooting range Alfie frequents. And on the night of the murder, he “accidentally” took the gun home with him from the range. Turns out the money was important after all. Case (and undercover work) closed.

Steve also got a subplot with Nahele this week. (That’s the kid who stole his car last season.) Nahele’s dad, Kaili, is out of prison after eight years, and now he wants custody of his son. But Nahele tells Steve he’d rather live on the streets than with his dad.

So Steve goes to talk to Kaili. Steve suggests it may be better to drop the custody hearing and instead try to earn back Nahele’s trust. But Kaili is making up for lost time; he just wants to be with his son again. Steve believes him, but he still feels like Nahele is hiding something.

At the hearing, the court rules in Kaili’s favor, and Nahele runs off. Steve finds him in his garage. He tells Nahele he’ll always protect him, but he can’t do that if he doesn’t know everything.

So Nahele comes clean. Before his dad went to prison, Nahele was in the car when his dad murdered someone. Steve goes to the spot and finds the body. He sends Duke to go bring Kaili in, but something tells me he’s going to be long gone.

Quotes
(Danny enters the O'ahu State University classroom with a backpack and wearing horn rimmed glasses, a button up shirt, tie, cuffed dark wash jeans and brown oxford shoes)

(Danny writes his undercover last name on the board)

Danny Williams: I'm Professor Jeffries, for those of you who cannot read. I am your new teacher for Principles of Microeconomics.

Steve McGarrett: All right, remote location, middle of the night. This wasn't an accident.

Abby Dunn: Definitely a body dump.

Danny Williams: This is an old organized crime trick. Pigs - they can eat through bone. They don't leave anything behind.

Kono Kalakaua: Hey, Max, how's it going in there?

Dr. Max Bergman: Well, I'm still looking for some identifying markers, such as teeth or fingers. But I can tell you our victim is male, approximately mid to late forties. Fortunately, his liver's intact, so, temperature suggests T.O.D. to be between 10:00 pm and midnight.

Danny Williams: Aha. Was he a hot or a cold meal?

Dr. Max Bergman: Well, if you're asking whether the corpse was consumed post or antemortem, I don't have an answer to that yet. Although..

(Max finds a thumb in the mud and pulls it out)

Dr. Max Bergman: Eureka! I found a thumb!

Abby Dunn: Did he just say "Eureka"?

Chin Ho Kelly: Yes, he did.

Steve McGarrett: All right, Max, we're gonna need to get that back to the lab right away and run the print though AFIS.

Dr. Max Bergman: (cleaning off the fingerprint on the thumb) Way ahead of you, Commander.

(Max loads in the thumb print into a hand held unit)

Dr. Max Bergman: Ah! And we have a hit!

(Max walks up to the Five-0 team showing them the handheld unit )

Dr. Max Bergman: Our victim's name is Elliot Thomas. Appears to be on faculty at Oahu State.

(Steve looks at the handheld units display)

Steve McGarrett: Guy's got no record. Not even a parking ticket.

Danny Williams: All right, so, how does a solid citizen end up pig food?

Kono Kalakaua: I don't know. But I think I'm done eating bacon.

Kono Kalakaua: Hey. So I just got off the phone with Duke. Professor Thomas' house was vandalized last week. Someone tossed a brick through the window with a note attached.

Danny Williams: That's called a Sicilian love letter.

Chin Ho Kelly: I don't suppose we can just head down to campus and fingerprint all of his students?

Steve McGarrett: Maybe we can.

Abby Dunn: How?

Steve McGarrett: Well, it seems to me that there's now an opening for a new economics professor at OSU, and it just so happens that one of our own minored in business at Seton Hall.

Danny Williams: (flustered/exasperated) How could you possibly know that? That's not even in my personnel file.

Steve McGarrett: (slightly smug) You think I'm gonna take you on to be my partner this whole time without doing my homework?

Kono Kalakaua: Wait. Boss, you've been sitting on that for six years?

Lou Grover: That means he's probably got something on all of us.

Steve McGarrett: We need somebody on the inside, somebody to get Intel and prints. Danny, you make the most sense.

Danny Williams: No.

Steve McGarrett: What do you mean, No?

Danny Williams: No! I'm not gonna do it. It's ridiculous, first of all. Second of all, even if I did do it, uh, nobody's gonna buy me as a stuffy economics professor.

(Chin laughs)

Danny Williams: That's funny?

Lou Grover: Oh, no. I don't know.

Danny Williams: Oh, you don't?

Lou Grover: I don't know. You got a little, uh, quick temper, kind of curmudgeonly.

Steve McGarrett: (affectionately) Curmudgeonly.

(everyone laughs)

Kono Kalakaua: Yeah, and you have an opinion about everything.

Steve McGarrett: You're the grumpiest person I know.

Steve McGarrett: (introspective) We need somebody else in there with you, somebody who these kids can relate to, who looks like 'em, who acts like them.

(sudden scene change to the lab and talking to Eric)

Eric Russo: (seriously) So let me get this straight. You want me to leave this lab to go undercover as a college student at the biggest party school in the state?

Steve McGarrett: (hesitantly) Yes.

Danny Williams: It was his idea, not mine.

Eric Russo: (excited, with a big cheesy smile) All right. If I'm gonna sell this, though, I got to go all in.

Steve McGarrett: (exasperated) Don't do anything stupid.

Eric Russo: You look totally different, Uncle D. That's a great disguise.

Danny Williams: Yeah? Thank you. You, too, with the, uh, college idiot persona. You are a natural.

Kono Kalakaua: Okay, so, we're gonna have eyes and ears on you at all times.

Eric Russo: Right. So, hypothetically speaking, if I were to find myself in a compromising position with one of these coeds and maintaining my cover requires me to satisfy her sexually, that's cool, right?

Danny Williams: (chuckling) This has "Epic Fail", written all over it. You know that, right?

(students coming up and handing their pop quizs to Danny)

Danny Williams: Thank you, Mr. Tucker. Thank you, Ms. Reese. Thank you, Ms. Le-her? Ler-er?

Female Student: Lehrer.

Danny Williams: That's nice. Lehrer. What is that, French?

Female Student: So, will you be keeping the same office hours as Professor Thomas? (flirting) 'Cause I could really use some extra help. You know, one-on-one?

Danny Williams: Right. Well, look, if you have any, um, questions that, uh, pertain to the the material, of .. the work stuff that we're doing, then you.. my door's open.

Female Student: (chuckles) Okay. Totally get what you're saying.

(in Danny's University office)

Female Student: I am just so broken up about it, Professor Jeffries. Oh. Ben. I mean, I can call you that, right?

Danny Williams: No.

Female Student: I mean, life is just so fleeting. You really have to make the most of every opportunity.

Danny Williams: Yeah. That's, uh that's true. It's a very interesting thought and probably something.. All this you should discuss with your grief counselor.

Female Student: Yeah, but, I mean, (climbs on Danny's desk - flirting) you seem so approachable.

Danny Williams: (amused) I'm not.

Female Student: (smiling) You are.

Danny Williams: (incredulous laughter/playful) That's crazy, 'cause I'm not. I'm not approachable at all. My friends think..

(Danny's cellphone rings)

Danny Williams: That's.. I got to get this phone call immediately.

Female Student: (surprised) You don't even know who it is.

Danny Williams: I know exactly who it is.

Female Student: (confused) Wait. Wait. Seriously?

Danny Williams: Yeah, I'm sorry.

(Danny starts moving her off the desk and out the door)

Danny Williams: It's just, um, I got to take this.

Female Student: Uh...

Danny Williams: Please, come on.

Female Student: Okay.

(Danny walks her to the door)

Danny Williams: Sorry. I'll see you in class.

Female Student: (hesitant) Okay.

Danny Williams: Okay.

(she leaves)

Danny Williams: (sighs) Please tell me that Brandon did it so I can go home.

(Danny walking somewhere on the University campus talking on his cellphone)

Danny Williams: All right, Steve, listen to me. I've spoken to 48 students, I even spoke to the guy who sells poke in the middle of the courtyard. This plan of yours is a complete disaster, it's not working.

Steve McGarrett: Well, maybe there's a problem with the execution. How's E-Train doing?

Danny Williams: Oh, E's fantastic. You should see the way he plays Frisbee now, it's really great. And he's going to a keg party later tonight and if he doesn't get completely hammered, maybe he'll give us some information.

Steve McGarrett: Good. Sounds like the Williams family has it all under control.

Male Student: Professor Jeffries, great lecture.

Danny Williams: (to the student) Thanks, buddy. (to Steve) You hear that? Despite this ill-conceived plan of yours, I am still making a positive difference in young people's lives.

Steve McGarrett: Oh, yeah, give it time, Danny, I'm sure by tomorrow you'll be making their lives as miserable as you make mine. I got to go, buddy. I'll talk to you soon.

Female Student: (to another female student) Have you seen Professor Jeffries? Adding him to my to-do list.

(College dorm room. Male student playing a video game)

(knocking at the door)

Male Student: If you're looking for Tuck, he's not here. Just come back for your medicinal needs later.

(door breaks in)

Steve McGarrett: I heard him say to come in right in.

Lou Grover: I heard him say it, too.

Steve McGarrett: Where is he?

Male Student: I don't know. I just got back and he wasn't here.

Steve McGarrett: I'm gonna search all his stuff now. You got a problem with that?

Male Student: No. Uh, go right ahead, I, actually, uh, I have to go study.

Lou moves to block the male students exit)

Lou Grover: (getting in the student face - intimidating him) You got to study?

(the male student slinks out of the room)

Steve McGarrett: (laughing) Anxious little dude.

Lou Grover: Ah, college dorm life: where personal hygiene and ramen noodles go to die.

(in Steve's garage, Steve joins Nahele in the Marquis)

Steve McGarrett: I thought I might find you here. Look, Nahele, I know things didn't go down the way you wanted them to, but..

Nahele Huikala: I-I don't care what.. I don't care what that judge said. They can't make me live with him.

Steve McGarrett: Actually, they can. There's something you're not telling me, isn't there? And I want to help you, but if you don't let me in, I can't. Look at me.

(Nahele looks at Steve with sadness in his eyes)

Steve McGarrett: I will always protect you, all right? All right?

(Nahele nods as a tear rolls down his cheek)

Trivia

 * James Duval and Scott Caan were both reunited in Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000).


 * Eric Russo
 * Andrew Lawrence
 * Danny Williams’s nephew and a crime lab specialist.
 * Danny Williams’s nephew and a crime lab specialist.


 * Casey Lehrer
 * Chelsea Ricketts
 * A woman who appears in the episode.
 * Kaili Huikala
 * James Duval
 * A man who appears in the episode.
 * Dean Andrew Letoa
 * Dominic Hoffman
 * A man who appears in the episode.
 * Alfie Tucker
 * Samuel Larsen
 * A man who appears in the episode.
 * Alfie Tucker
 * Samuel Larsen
 * A man who appears in the episode.
 * A man who appears in the episode.

Video
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