Hoa 'Inea

Hoa 'Inea (Misery Loves Company) is the 14th episode of Season 6 in the remake version of Hawaii Five-0.

Synopsis
As Five-0 investigates a double homicide involving marital infidelity, McGarrett and his team recall their disastrous Valentine's Day experiences.

Plot
Love is in the air! At least, it’s supposed to be. This Valentine’s Day the members of Five-0 recount their not so perfect day of love while working an even more depressing attempted murder case. All things considered though, if all of  Hawaii Five-0  is alive, it’s not so bad.

To start off, everyone arrives at the crime scene to find Steve’s got a black eye, and Grover’s sporting a 70s style suit. There’s no end to the giggles, but back to the victim. Luana Cruz is found shot in a rented apartment typically rented out to cheating couples. She lies in a coma while Five-0 tries to figure out why she was shot. At first the team thinks Luana was there to have an affair, but she shows signs of having handled a firearm. The team then sets out to locate her husband, but it turns out he’s dead too. He was actually murdered 24 hours before his wife. Five-0 knows that at some point the room Luana was shot in was used by an escort and her companion. Through a little recon from Danny (who apparently spends a fair amount of time at Victoria’s Secret) they find their John, Michael Foxton. He explains that he was involved in Lana’s shooting, but it was accidental and he didn’t really know her. Foxton goes into cardiac arrest because his heart medication wasn’t in his system. Jerry finds the last piece of the puzzle, which turns out to explain these crimes as a “Strangers on a Train” type of incident. Take two extremely unhappy wives who want to get rid of their husbands and you’ve got the worst Valentine’s story ever. This is how we find Five-0 on a stakeout on two days later when they set a trap for Foxton’s wife.

Now let’s recap what actually happened to Five-0 on this unfortunate Valentine’s Day. Grover completely forgot Valentine’s Day and ended up in the dog house with his wife. He ended up hopping around to different members of the team’s houses trying to find a place to crash. All of his friends have their own drama going on, so he spends Valentine’s night alone in a motel.

Next up in our sorry, sordid stories is Chin. Poor Chin, this one I definitely didn’t see coming. He had plans to share a romantic night at a hotel with Abby, only to have her suddenly run out of the room with no other explanation than repeated apologies. Chin ran after her, but he did so in a small towel and got locked out of his hotel room. Of course there was no other way to get back in than to go down to the lobby in that towel and get a new key. The situation was already embarrassing before he ran into Duke and his wife. If there are Valentine’s Day stories more embarrassing than that, I can’t think of any.

Stuck in a stakeout, Danny is forced to tell his story. He had a good Valentine’s Day with Melissa, up until the point where they got into a fight because he has never told her he loves her. As Kono says, we’re all Team Melissa on this one. Danny’s divorce left him with some serious relationship issues, and considering the number Rachel did on him, he’s allowed some leeway. However, Melissa is completely justified in wanting her relationship with Danny to go somewhere.

At this point we take a break from the stories to arrest Mrs. Foxton. Once that is resolved we finally get to hear Steve’s story. Things have been going well with Lynn, until she finds the engagement ring Steve intended to give Catherine last year. They work it out pretty quickly, which rules out the idea that Lynn punched Steve in the face. It’s a shame, I had money on that bet. Steve really got the black eye when during a strip tease Lynn kicked off her wedged shoe right into Steve’s face. I’ve always said a heel can be deadly if used properly.

The only person who did have a good Valentine’s Day is Max, whose relationship with Sabrina is still going strong. Jerry eventually gets there too with a sweet blind date. All of these scenarios are resolved. It’s kind of fun to see Kono, the only female voice of reason, play off of the men in the group as they tell their stories. Truly the only person who should be complaining is Kono since her husband is in prison, and that’s a scenario that can’t be solved. A mystery emerges in the last few minutes when Abby calls Chin to apologize, and lies about being in San Francisco when she is really still on the island. With most of the OMG moments going to Gabriel this season, that was definitely one I did not expect.

Quotes
(Danny and Steve sitting in the Camaro on the street on stake out)

Danny Williams: You selfishly punched yourself in the eyeball so that I didn't get to do it. Is that right?

(Steve has a black eye)

Steve McGarrett: No. Not even close.

Danny Williams: You know, buddy, if it's something that's, uh, embarrassing, something you don't want to share with us, you know, we understand.

(scene cut to Chin and Kono at the hospital listening and talking to the rest of the team over their comm units)

Chin Ho Kelly: Yeah, we totally understand, Steve. The last thing we would want to do is make you uncomfortable.

Kono Kalakaua: Yeah. You can tell us when you're ready, boss.

(Cut back to Steve and Danny)

Steve McGarrett: You guys suck at reverse psychology.

(Cut to Lou in his SUV also on the street)

Lou Grover: Well, then tell us the damn story, why don't you?

(Camaro)

Steve McGarrett: All right, ya'll know that I've been trained by the U.S. government to resist interrogation, right?

Danny Williams: That's fine. So we'll just keep taking bad guesses, then. How 'bout that?

(Hospital)

Kono Kalakaua: Okay. You were opening a bottle of champagne and the cork exploded in your face. Black eye.

(SUV)

Lou Grover: (laughing) Yes. All them damn bullets you've been dodging for years, and you end up gettin' hit in the face with a cork projectile. See, now that's what you call ironic.

(Camaro)

Steve McGarrett: Hey, you know what? You don't get to make jokes when you show up to work in a suit that's been MIA since 1972.

Kono Kalakaua: We (Chin and her) were just talking about who had the crappiest Valentine's Day.

(doorbell at Lou's house rings)

(Renee answers opens the double door in a hot little red dress)

Renee Grover: (miffed) Can I help you?

(Lou is at the door wearing a blue velvet suit with a wide collar shirt)

Lou Grover: Hey, hey, happy Valentine's Day, baby.

(Renee eyes Lou up and down)

Renee Grover: (not buying what he is selling) Mm-hmm.

Lou Grover: Oh, okay. Okay. I-I see. You-you thought, you thought I forgot. But you got played, 'cause I wanted to be able to give you a real, genuine Valentine's Day surprise, baby!

Renee Grover: Ah... Oh! Oh, so you-you didn't forget.

Lou Grover: Hell, no.

Renee Grover: (definitely irked) Oh Like you "didn't forget" my birthday last year? And you "didn't forget" our wedding anniversary the year before that?

Lou Grover: See, why you gotta bring up old stuff? Hey, come on, now. (working it) Why can't you see this for what it is? Your man is home, standing in front of his beautiful wife, offering you these flowers and these-these chocolates as a token of my love.

Renee Grover: (setting the trap) Oh oh, no, I see.. You know, I see what this is.

Lou Grover: I knew you would.

Renee Grover: Oh, yeah, no, no, I see. I see a man,

Lou Grover: Yes, you do.

Renee Grover: mmm. who ran out,

Lou Grover: mm-hmm Mm-hmm.

Renee Grover: and bought the last sorry bunch of Gerbera daisies from the convenience store over there on Durely Street.

Lou Grover: (busted) How you know that?

Renee Grover: (exasperated) You didn't even take the sticker off. And I see the suit that I brought to the dry cleaners last week because I was going to donate it to the Salvation Army.

Lou Grover: What?

Renee Grover: (exasperated) And I see.. Ooh, ooh, I see a man, mmm still wearing his golf shoes.

Lou Grover: Hmm. (looks down) Oh, yeah.

Renee Grover: (exasperated) Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Lou Grover: (apologetic and still trying to make points) Hey, I taught you well. You really are a cop's wife.

Renee Grover: (exasperated) And you, Louis Purnell Grover

Lou Grover: Huh?

Renee Grover: (exasperated) are in the doghouse. 24 hours, no parole.

(Renee grabs her flowers and chocolate, steps into the house and closes the doors in Lous face)

Kono Kalakaua: Okay, so what does a night in the doghouse look like?

Lou Grover: I'll tell you what it looks like. Me - in a janky motel on a horrible mattress stuffed with nails and a wafer-thin wall with some freaky couple on the other side of it trying to set a new sex endurance record.

Steve McGarrett: Lou, why didn't you come to my place? Huh? I mean, mi casa su casa, you know that.

Lou Grover: Oh, I came to your house, but it was completely dark. I figured you were in there romancing, so I went over to Danny's house.

Danny Williams: Right. Well, the romance was definitely not happening over at my place.

Lou Grover: Yeah, it looked like he was in there playing charades or something.

Steve McGarrett: Charades? You were playing charades or something?

Danny Williams: I was not playing charades. Melissa and I had a, um, what do you call it? An exchange of opinions.

Lou Grover: An exch.. Oh! Okay, yeah. Us married folks call that a fight. So then I just went to a motel.

Kono Kalakaua: Hey, you know, silence doesn't always mean something bad's going on.

Chin Ho Kelly: I'm sorry, Kono. Here I am, blabbing about my situation, and you've got Adam in prison.

Kono Kalakaua: Oh, no, it's all right. At least I didn't humiliate myself at the Kahala last night.

Chin Ho Kelly: You don't have to remind me, okay?

(Kono chuckles)

Chin Ho Kelly: Speaking of which.. will you do me a favor? Don't let the guys know about my nightmare, okay? Because if they do, I'm just gonna be a punch line between now and December.

Kono Kalakaua: Got it.

Chin Ho Kelly: Thank you.

(Chin and Kono turn and see Duke)

Duke Lukela: Chin. Kono.

Kono Kalakaua: Duke.

Duke Lukela: (awkwardly) Chin, it was, uh very good to see you last night.

(Chin freezes and radiates awkwardness from Duke's statement for a second and then hopes to move the discussion on)

Kono Kalakaua: So, what is the latest?

Lou Grover: I can't believe I shared my pain and bared my vulnerable soul, and Mr. Chin Ho Kelly can't even tease us with a little tidbit.

Steve McGarrett: Come on, Chin. You know, hey, we're your family, buddy. There, uh, there's no there's no judgment here. There's no, uh

Danny Williams: No, it's your safe place, babe.

Steve McGarrett: It's your safe place, we promise, come on.

Lou Grover: Come on, it's only fair now, brutha.

Kono Kalakaua: You know they're not gonna let this go.

Chin Ho Kelly: All right. All right. Okay, so Abby and I had an amazing dinner at Morimoto.

Lou Grover: Hang on a second. When-when'd you book that?

Chin Ho Kelly: It was a last-minute thing, you know? Abby wanted to try the braised black cod. You know how good it is. So I called the chef, he made it happen. He was like, (imitating Morimoto) "Anything for Five-O", you know?

Lou Grover: Is that a fact?

Chin Ho Kelly: So, anyway, I book a room at the Kahala. Um, I'm lying there in bed, and I'm pouring the champagne, I'm waiting for Abby to come out of the bathroom.

Lou Grover: You can fast-forward over those parts. I don't want to hear about these gory details.

Steve McGarrett: What's wrong with the details?

Chin Ho Kelly: Well - well that is the sad part Lou. We didn't even get to the part where we do the grown up stuff.

(scene change to the hotel room)

(Abby forcefully opens the double doors from another room wearing her dress)

Chin Ho Kelly: That's not quite the entrance I was imagining.

Abby Dunn: I.. I can't.

Chin Ho Kelly: (confused) Uh What do you mean? What's going on?

Abby Dunn: I'm sorry.

(Abby grabs her purse and leaves)

Chin Ho Kelly: Wait a minute. Are you lea..?

(Abby goes to the room door an leaves)

Chin Ho Kelly: Abby? Abby!

(Chin gets out of bed and wraps a towel around himself)

Chin Ho Kelly: Abby, are you?

(Chin follows Abby out of the room in just the towel)

Chin Ho Kelly: Abby, hold on!

(scene change to the hotel hallway)

Chin Ho Kelly: Abby!

Abby Dunn: Look, I made a mistake. I can't.

(Chin comes down the hallway)

(elevator bell dings)

Chin Ho Kelly: Abby. Abby.

(Chin sees Abby leaving in the elevator)

Chin Ho Kelly: What the heck is going on? A?

(Chin realizes he is in the hallway in just a towel and heads back to the room)

Chin Ho Kelly: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

(Chin sighs and tries the closed door handle to find it is locked)

(scene change back to the present)

Steve McGarrett: Ooh.

Danny Williams: Oh, yeah. No, I've seen this movie. And then the nuns come running around the corner, right?

(Danny chuckles)

Chin Ho Kelly: I wish that happened, because then they could've called down to the front desk for me.

(scene changes to the hotel lobby. Chin is walking about with a very small towel around his hips)

Duke Lukela: Lieutenant Kelly?

(Chin turns around to see Duke)

Chin Ho Kelly: Duke.

Duke Lukela: Uh-huh.

(awkwardness abounds)

Chin Ho Kelly: What's going on?

Duke Lukela: You remember my wife Nalani?

Chin Ho Kelly: Yes, of course, it is lovely to see you again, Nalani.

(Duke's wife smirks and raises an eyebrow seeing Chin there)

Chin Ho Kelly: Well... Uh, have a lovely evening.

(scene change back to resent)

Steve McGarrett: Oof, poor Duke.

Danny Williams: Poor Duke? Poor Mrs. Lukela.

Chin Ho Kelly: What about poor me? (laughs) You know, I still have no idea how things went south so fast.

Danny Williams: Well, I-I-I can help you with this one, I think. In my experience with women, it is either something that you said or did, or both, that she, uh, she took the wrong way.

Steve McGarrett: Mm-hmm.

Lou Grover: It's probably some little microscopic teeny-tiny thing that's so damn small no man could recognize it.

Kono Kalakaua: Are you saying that women are irrational?

Lou Grover: (imitates speech broken by poor signal) Your breaking up.

(Kono smiles - she made her point)

Kono Kalakaua: Yeah, well, uh, you know, she could be on social media. I'm saying you do a little recon.

Chin Ho Kelly: That would be stalking. And she's not. I checked.

(in the Camaro)

Danny Williams: Okay, all right. I'll-I'll tell my, uh, my Valentine story. So, like a gentleman, I was the, uh, epitome of romance. I took romance to the next level.

(scene change to Danny's house. Danny showing Amber-lissa his dinning room romantically decorated)

Danny Williams: Ahh?

Melissa Armstrong: You did this for me?

Danny Williams: Yeah, who else am I gonna do it for? Come on.

Melissa Armstrong: (untying the origami napkins) These are so adorable.

Steve McGarrett: A bunny napkin? What the hell is wrong with you?

Danny Williams: Yeah, I made a bunny napkin. What do you want?

Steve McGarrett: Is there something wrong with you?

Kono Kalakaua: I think it's cute.

Danny Williams: Thank you. Would anybody like me to continue my story?

Everyone: Yes!

(Danny voice over as you watch him and Amber-lissa during their Valentines date)

Danny Williams: Okay, so she was very impressed. She was very happy with the situation. She loved my flowers. She loved the-the perfume I got her. She loved the risotto alla milanese that I made for her. She thought it was fantastic, delicious. We're sitting there. Everything is great, right? And then, the mood kind of, uh Well, we-we exchanged cards.

(Amber-lissa opens Danny's card and her face falls)

(Danny opens her card and it reads "I love you!! Melissa")

(We see the inside of Amber-lissa's card)

Danny Williams: What?

(scene change back to group talking)

Chin Ho Kelly: She didn't like the card.

Danny Williams: No, she did not like the card, not particularly.

Steve McGarrett: What did you write in the card?

Danny Williams: I wrote, uh, simply, "Happy Valentine's Day, Danny".

Steve McGarrett: You're an idiot.

Kono Kalakaua: Ooh.

Lou Grover: Wait a second. You didn't even write, "Love, Danny"?

Danny Williams: No, not love! I mean, I did, uh, at the end I did XOXOXO, bunch of XO's.

Chin Ho Kelly: Dude, you blew it.

Danny Williams: What do you mean I blew it? What are you talking about? I did all these nice things. I did a bunny with the ears... and the flowers and the perfume and the risotto-- what-what-what else? What do I got to do?

Kono Kalakaua: I think we're all Team Melissa on this one.

(scene change to Danny's dinning room and the "discussion")

Melissa Armstrong: (quietly/desperately) I need you to tell me that you want me to stay.

Danny Williams: (defensively) Okay, I want you to stay.

Melissa Armstrong: (harsh laugher) Not just tonight.

Danny Williams: Look, look, I-I-I-I care about you very, very much. Okay? I-I love spending time with you. I-I don't understand what the problem is.

Melissa Armstrong: (chuckles) You can't say it, can you?

Danny Williams: I can say it! I can s-- Look, people say it all the time. They say it a million times a day and it doesn't mean anything! I say it, it means something!

Melissa Armstrong: Oh, right, okay. Well, you've never said it to me.

Danny Williams: That is not true. Is that--? That's actually true? Is that true? Is this about Rachel?

Melissa Armstrong: No! This is about how much time you make for me! About whether or not I'm a priority!

Danny Williams: You are a priority. You are a priority. You are a priority, okay? You are!

Melissa Armstrong: You're not listening!

(scene matches where Lou stated he showed up at Danny's house)

(Lou shown outside the window looking in)

Danny Williams: (inside the house) I am! You are a priority. You are..

(scene changes to Lou outside, walking away with crickets chirping)

(Camaro)

Kono Kalakaua: Okay, so what-- it's over?

Danny Williams: I don't know what it is. I don't know.

Lou Grover: Right now, the campfire session belongs to McGarrett.

Jerry Ortega: Oh, he's gonna explain the black eye?

Lou Grover: Yes, sir.

Jerry Ortega: Cool.

(everyone turns to look at Steve)

Steve McGarrett: (slightly awkward) So, uh, it all started on Valentine's Day morning.

(scene change - Lynn comes into the bedroom from the bath - naked - and Steve is lying in the bed - bare chested - with sated look)

Lynn Downey: You mind if I borrow a shirt?

Steve McGarrett: What do you want a shirt for? (smiles) Yes, you can borrow a shirt. Second drawer down.

(Lynn goes to the drawer and opens it)

(discussion is voiced over as the scene plays out)

Danny Williams: She found your Phil Collins T-shirt and that was it. She was done.

(Lynn puts on a shirt and pulls out the ring box and opens it)

Steve McGarrett: Very funny. She found the ring.

Lou Grover: What? Wait, the ring?

Steve McGarrett: Yeah, the ring. She found the ring that I bought for Catherine, the engagement ring.

(scene cuts back to the group)

Danny Williams: That is an "oof"

Steve McGarrett: Yes, it was, it was definitely an "oof"

Kono Kalakaua: Okay, so what was it doing in your dresser?

Steve McGarrett: You know, the funny thing is that was the question Lynn asked me.

(back to the bedroom scene)

Lynn Downey: What is this?

(voice over as the scene plays out)

Steve McGarrett: She felt that I'd been hiding something from her.

Chin Ho Kelly: Uh, well, you were. The ring.

(Steve is speechless/awkward in bed while Lynn looks at him)

(scene plays out silently with Steve saying something and Lynn replying - arguing)

Steve McGarrett: Yeah, and with the seriousness of.. of my relationship with Catherine, the fact that I was gonna ask her to, uh, to marry me.

(scene change back to the group)

Steve McGarrett: She doesn't want to be part of a rebound thing, which is understandable, and, uh, she thinks my head's not in the game.

Kono Kalakaua: Okay, so how did it end?

(scene of Lynn leaving, slamming the door while Steve voiceovers)

Steve McGarrett: Um, not well. She left. She was very upset.

Lou Grover: That's terrible. Sad story. Listen, uh, I came here to hear about the black eye.

Danny Williams: I got it. She hit you with the ring.

(scene of Lynn throwing the ring at Steve)

Steve McGarrett: Nope.

Lou Grover: No? Okay, all right. How about this?

(scene plays out while Lou voice overs)

Lou Grover: You were rooting around in the closet looking for something baseball falls off a shelf,

(back to the group)

Lou Grover: hits you right in the eye.

Steve McGarrett: No.

Danny Williams: Got hit in the head with a coconut.

Chin Ho Kelly: You dropped a practice grenade on your face.

Kono Kalakaua: You walked into a tree.

Lou Grover: You fell into a doorknob.

Jerry Ortega: Got kicked by a horse. Yeah, I don't know why I said that.

Steve McGarrett: Now, can I just? Just settle down, okay? We went to Morimoto's, the private room.

Lou Grover: The private room?

Steve McGarrett: Yeah, I called the chef. The restaurant was at capacity, so he put me in the private room.

(Lou is irked)

Steve McGarrett: So I pulled out all the stops, beautiful dinner, we had a lovely evening, she was very happy.

(scene shifts to Back at Steve's house in the living room. Voiceover as the scene plays out)

Steve McGarrett: All was forgiven, all right? We get back to my place, everything's going very well.

(Lynn uses her cellphone and plays "You Can Leave Your Hat On")

Steve McGarrett: Lynn decides to make it up to me.

(Lynn starts stripping to the music)

Lou Grover: Oh. Little mood music. That's a good move.

( Music - "Baby, take off your coat")

(Lynn kicks off one of her shoes toward Steve and he catches it with a big cheesy grin)

(Music - "Real slow")

(Lynn slides her other leg up and kicks off her other shoe - hitting steve square in the face)

(scene cut back to the group)

Danny Williams: That's it? You got hit in the face with a lady heel? That's that's that's it?

Steve McGarrett: A "lady heel"? This thing, this thing it was like a four a five-inch wedge. You seen those things? It's like a it's like a tomahawk.

Trivia

 * Goof: Danny told Steve, when he was twelve he saw two sea lions mate at Turtle Back Zoo in West Orange, New Jersey. Turtle Back Zoo did not have sea lions until 2013.


 * Masaharu Morimoto
 * Himself
 * Sushi restaurant owner
 * Sushi restaurant owner


 * Tessa Foxton
 * Erica Shaffer
 * A woman who appears in the episode.
 * Michael Foxton
 * James Koons
 * A man who appears in the episode.
 * James Koons
 * A man who appears in the episode.