Ke Koho Mamao Aku (episode)

Ke Koho Mamao Aku (Longshot)  is the 9th episode of Season 5 in the remake version of Hawaii Five-0, and 102nd episode in the series.

Synopsis
As Hawaii prepares to celebrate Christmas, the H50 team find themselves on the case when a cowboy is murdered.

Quotes
Mission Control: Red One, Pilgrim seems to be experiencing a malfunction with its SPR collector. Please assess.

Red One: Copy that, Mission Control. What is this, glitch number 81? Not that anyone's counting up here.

Mission Control: Ah, Mission Control thought math wasn't your strong suit. Over.

Red One: I could say the same about the guys that built this bucket of bolts. You guys find this thing in a cereal box?

Mission Control: I think you're hurting Pilgrim's feelings, Red One.

(Kuliouou Forest Reserve)

(sounds of a chain saw revving)

Danny Williams: Whoa. Hey, don't do it!

(Steve with a chain saw getting ready to cut down a tree)

Danny Williams: Wait! Whoa, wait! Huh? I changed my mind again.

Steve McGarrett: I can't hear you.

Danny Williams: I said I... I don't think this is a good idea.

Steve McGarrett: Why would you say something like that?

Danny Williams: Well, because "this is a protected forest preserve." Right? Because "removing trees is strictly prohibited." Because "violators will be punished to the full ex".. I'm just reading from the big sign that we saw when we got here.

(Steve turns off the chain saw)

Danny Williams: That sign that says things you should not do. That one. Okay?

Steve McGarrett: It's Christmas, Danny. All right. You and Gracie need a tree. You want a tree?

Danny Williams: I do. I did. I want a tree, but not like this.

Steve McGarrett: 750 dollars is insane for a tree. And every other lot is sold out. Besides, look around. What do you see here? What do you see here?

Danny Williams: Trees.

Steve McGarrett: Lots and lots and lots of trees.

Danny Williams: Yeah.

Steve McGarrett: There's thousands of trees here. They're not gonna miss one. You know what I mean? All right?

(Steve starts up the chain saw again)

Danny Williams: Wait, wait

(Steve starts cutting down a tree)

Danny Williams: Wait!.. Wait! (Steve finishes cutting down a tree)

(scene changes to the Camaro driving down the road with a tree on the roof)

(inside the car Danny has a concerned face and Steve looks smug)

Danny Williams: I cannot believe you made me an accomplice to a crime.

Steve McGarrett: A victimless crime.

Danny Williams: The evidence to which is strapped to the roof of my car right now.

Steve McGarrett: Danny, no one's gonna know where this tree came from, all right?

Danny Williams: I'm gonna know where the tree came from, okay? That's all that matters, every time I look at it, I'm gonna think how we broke the law to get it. That's it. You tainted Christmas. You know what you are?

Steve McGarrett: Annoyed with this conversation.

Danny Williams: You are a ruiner of Christmas. You are a Scrooge.

Steve McGarrett: (owning it) Bah. Humbug.

Danny Williams: (chuckling) Okay? All right.

(hostility radiating)

Dr. Max Bergman: What are you doing here?

Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan: (condescending) Well, I'm doing what's called a preliminary examination. I find it's sometimes useful in determining the cause of death.

(Max puts down his bag and the 2 men face off)

Lou Grover: Um Max, want to introduce us to your friend here?

Max and Sanjeet at the same time: We're not friends.

Dr. Max Bergman: Gentlemen, this is Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan, the Hawai'i Island M.E. We did our anatomical pathology residency together.

Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan: (to Danny and Lou pleasently) It's a pleasure, gents.

Lou Grover: So, I-I'm a little confused. How is it that the two of you are not friends?

Dr. Max Bergman: It's complicated. (aggressively) And I don't understand why Dr. Dhawan is here in the first place considering the governor assigned Five-O to investigate this incident.

Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan: (throwing it down) While you may have jurisdiction here, Dr. Bergman, there's only one M.E. office on this island. Mine. And if you're gonna be using it in this case, I'm gonna have to insist on being involved.

Danny Williams: Sounds great to me. Good to you?

Lou Grover: Yeah.

Danny Williams: Fantastic. Any objections?

Dr. Max Bergman: Multiple. Firstly..

Danny Williams: Zip it, please, Max. We got it. Please, continue.

(Dr Dhawan focuses back on the body - away from Max... losing the hostility)

Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan: Well, I was just getting started, but my initial thought was that the victim was suffering from high-altitude pulmonary edema ..

(Max starts also inspecting the body)

Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan: due to the elevation, but then due to the lack of grayness..

(Max looks at the victims eyes)

Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan: or blue in the limbs, I was able to rule that out.

Dr. Max Bergman: (a little arrogance showing) Actually, you can rule out all natural causes. I believe this man was poisoned.

Lou Grover: Really? How do you know that?

Dr. Max Bergman: Well pinpoint pupils is a telltale sign that he was poisoned.

(Dr Dhawan also looks at the victims eyes)

Dr. Max Bergman: I'm surprised you missed this, Sanjeet.

Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan: (defensively) I didn't miss anything. Like I said, I was just getting started. Also, pinpoints can often suggest an opiate overdose. Unlike some M.E.'s, I don't like to speculate until all the facts are in.

Danny Williams: Uh-huh. There's two of 'em.

Lou Grover: Yeah. Listen, I got an idea. What say the two of you gentlemen get this body over to the morgue. That way you can settle whatever this is over there.

(Max and Sanjeet face off in each others personal space - mano y mano)

Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan: Oh it is on.

Dr. Max Bergman: Like Wrath of Khan.

(both Sanjeet and Max walk off in different directions)

Danny Williams: You know, um, I say this often around Max, but that was very, uh, strange.

Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan: (as he is walking out of the room) I don't know how you put up with him?!

Danny Williams: Okay, Max, I want to know. What is it between you two? Tell me.

Dr. Max Bergman: Well, it's private. And to discuss this in a professional environment is highly inappropriate.

Danny Williams: I don't care.

Dr. Max Bergman: Fine, if you must know, it was over a certain woman.

Lou Grover: Enough said.

(Lou holds his hand up and Danny nods)

(Pua arrives at Five-0 offices)

Chin Ho Kelly: Hey, Pua. Howzit?

Pua Kai: (stiffly formal) Lieutenant Kelly.

Chin Ho Kelly: Can I help you with something?

Pua Kai: Actually, I'm looking for Commander McGarrett and Detective Williams.

Chin Ho Kelly: Ah, you're out of luck. Commander McGarrett's in meetings with the governor, and Detective Williams is on Hawai'i Island working a case.

Pua Kai: (suspiciously) Unavailable. Interesting.

(Pua takes out his notebook and starts taking notes)

(Chin has a "Ah - what are you doing? What is going on?" look)

Pua Kai: Do you happen to know where they were this morning?

Chin Ho Kelly: (chuckling) Actually, no, Pua. I don't keep tabs on 'em. What's this about?

Pua Kai: (slightly sanctimonious) I'm not at liberty to say. Sorry. Official police business.

Chin Ho Kelly: (incredulously) Pua, I am police.

Pua Kai: Please have Commander McGarrett and Detective Williams contact me as soon as they can.

(Pua hands over his business card to Chin)

Chin Ho Kelly: Seriously?!

Pua Kai: Thank you for your time and your cooperation. Aloha.

(Chin blinks... and then double blinks)

Chin Ho Kelly: (totally befuddled) Alooo ha.

Danny Williams: Um, couple days ago, I overheard Grace talking to one of her friends, and I think that the cat is officially out of the bag.

Kono Kalakaua: Cat's out of the bag.

Danny Williams: Yeah.

Kono Kalakaua: You know, I never really got that one. I mean, who puts a cat in a bag?

Danny Williams: I don't know. The point is, um, I.. I think that she no longer believes, um, in Santa Claus. In fact, I'm pretty sure she probably hasn't believed in him for a little while now.

Kono Kalakaua: It was inevitable, Danny.

Danny Williams: Yeah. Yeah, I know. But, you know, there's this, um, very, uh, special look that I get once a year. You see, I get to see her come out of her room, and she has this glow when she sees those presents that Santa left for her, and I.. I just think that Christmas is not gonna be the same without.. without it, so, there you go.

Kono Kalakaua: Maybe you're looking at it all wrong. I mean, maybe it's not so bad.

Danny Williams: How is it not so bad?

Kono Kalakaua: Well, because now, you don't have to keep up the charade. Right? The ruse is over. Look, there's no more lying, no more hiding the presents, no more sneaking around, putting them under the tree. And the best thing of all... is, this year, for the first time, you'll get all the credit for the awesome gifts. Right?

Danny Williams: I don't.. I don't care about the credit, though, you know?

Kono Kalakaua: Look, all I'm saying, it's okay for a kid Grace's age to not believe in old Saint Nick.

Danny Williams: Yeah, I guess you're right. Maybe I'm just upset that she's growing up so fast.

(Lou is on the phone while at the hospital with Danny and Kono where they brought in a poison victim)

Lou Grover: Okay. Thank you.

Lou Grover: (to Danny) You were right. That was the ATA (American Thoroughbred Association)

Lou Grover: Blood from Keone's, direct DNA match to Urban Myth.

Danny Williams: Uhuh. Okay, and that sample was taken a couple of days ago. That means that horse is on this island.

Kono Kalakaua: Keone must have come into contact with him, and then reached out to Harrison to let him know he found his missing horse.

Lou Grover: Harrison tells Keone to get a blood sample so that he can confirm.

Danny Williams: And then whoever has Urban Myth realizes that somebody's on to him and realizes he has to clip 'em both.

Lou Grover: We gotta figure out who's got that horse.

Kono Kalakaua: Okay. The thing I don't get is this. Why would you steal a racehorse and not ransom it? I mean, it's not like you can run it anywhere.

Danny Williams: No. But you could put it out to stud, and make a lot of money.

(Chin and Steve are at Five-O headquarters at the computer table)

Chin Ho Kelly: Okay. So we checked, and there are only three stud farms on the entire island. But one of them, Nakata Ranch, was right on Keone's delivery route.

(Kono, Danny, and Lou on speaker phone at the hospital)

Kono Kalakaua: That must be where he saw Urban Myth.

Danny Williams: Okay. What do we know about this place?

Chin Ho Kelly: Owner's name is Al Mokuau.

Lou Grover: That's the guy from the rodeo. That's the same guy who tried to pin this whole thing on Luke Pakele. I say we round him up.

Steve McGarrett: What was that, a horse metaphor?

Lou Grover: Yes, sir.

Dr. Max Bergman: (excitedly) Gentlemen, behold an original limited edition 1974 Yeoman Janice Rand action figure.

Danny Williams: So this beef between you two this whole time has been about a, um a Barbie doll?

Max and Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan together: (defensively) It's an action figure.

(Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan shakes his head over how he and max said the same thing in the same tone)

Danny Williams: Ah. Okay, I'm done. Nice to meet you.

Dr. Max Bergman: (impersonating Spock from "The Wrath of Khan") I have been, and always shall be, your friend.

(Max holds up the Vulcan hand salute)

Dr. Max Bergman: Live long and prosper.

Dr. Sanjeet Dhawan: Live long and prosper, Max.

Trivia

 * Jorge Garcia is credited, but does not appear.